December Epiphany

An epiphany (from the ancient Greek "ἐπιφάνεια", epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something.
I had an epiphany of horsemanship this month. Maybe it was more a personal epiphany, but at any rate, it has really changed my view of what's been going on with Paloma. I watched Steve work with Paloma, and she was calm and responsive, displaying none of her crazy behavior. then I watched Susan working with Rani, a horse somewhat like Paloma, and saw how when Susan used the rope to manage her feet, and was in time with her, Rani calmed down instantly. Same thing with Dave and Paloma. I got to thinking how was it that my horse was so calm with them, and so explosive with me? I woke up at 2 in the morning, and I realized that my timing has been off for a year, that I have been part of the problem.
Timing and feel, it's come to have a new meaning to me. Managing Paloma's feet and being in time with her makes all the difference. Once I figured that out I was able to start riding her again. I got help from Susan in how to get through to her feet. All the way through, and to ensure that she is honest in yielding to me. I saw that I've been off - reacting to her rather than managing her from a balanced place, which has been like throwing gasoline on the fire. I've been talking about balance and bring her up or bringing her down with Dave, but somehow, it didn't fully register to me. It doesn't matter what she's reacting to, or what's going on. I have to make her focus on me. I have to firm up and not tolerate any crap, but I have to do it in a quiet way. The goal is for her to say Yes Ma'am!! Whether it's go or stop or speed up or slow down, she has to do it without any hesitation or sass.
Once I get her in that place, it's great - she's so light and easy and fun to work with, and to ride! She requires constant management - concentration but without intensity. Focused yet relaxed. Quite the paradox.
So now at the end of the year, Paloma is going well for me, but she is still going off to Steve in January for training (reform school, as Marc calls it). It will be good for her to get out every day and exposed to so much more than I can do at home. I'm having separation anxiety already!!